The Proper (Islamic) Way to Propose to a Sister

Bismillaah.

May Allaah reward the brothers and sisters over at FitnaFreeFacebook, ameen.  If you are a facebook user, please check out their group, it is very beneficial mashaa Allaah.  I read this article on there today and decided to share.

~*The Proper Way to Propose to a Sister*~

What is the proper way to ask for a sister’s hand in marriage? In Islam, what is permissible and what is not when it comes to this issue? Can we talk to the sister first, maybe chat with her? Call her? Email? Or even go out for a few dates? Let’s find out below in a fatwa from Sheikh Salih al-Munnajid (May Allaah protect and preserve him). A young man asks what is the proper way to propose to a sister who his heart is inclined to marry.

Let’s take benefit from this insha’Allah!

Question: How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?

What is the correct way to approach a sister whom you intend to marry ? I’ve known this sister my entire life, in the same regard as my own blood sister and recently it was brought to my attention that she would be a perfect candidate for marriage. I believe she respects me, but I am unsure if she can accept me as her spouse. How can I know ? And what is the correct, halal way to approach ? I have nothing but the best intentions, yet my entire life I always felt I would marry her, yet out of respect I have never approached. My father and aunt (my mother has passed, allah yarham ha) are very fond of her and encourage me to pursue her, since they know her and her family extremly well.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a particular woman, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam, which is marriage. If a person intends to marry a woman, he has to propose marriage to her through her wali (guardian), who is her father if he is alive, or one of her other close relatives. It is not permissible for a man to propose marriage to a woman who is not his mahram through ways that are not permissible according to sharee’ah, such as getting to know her or meeting her frequently or getting in touch with her often and speaking on the phone; these are means through which Iblees causes people to sin and which lead to regrettable consequences. It is not permissible for a person to justify his relationship with a girl by saying that she is like his sister and other silly excuses. You have to follow the proper channels as prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

IslamQa

Mashaa Allaah, a great reminder!  Brothers and Sisters, take heed to this advice.  Know that there is no good that can come from disobeying Allaah, no matter what the end goal is.  There is no good that can come from “cutting corners” around Allaah’s commands and prohibitions.  Our Lord, the most Knowledgeable and most Wise, has set certain guidelines for us in order to protect us from all kinds of harms, harms that we in our limited knowledge and wisdom may not perceive, or may perceive as miniscule.  What He has ordained for us is, simply, what is best for us.  He is our Creator, so He knows us better than we know ourselves!!!  Our belief in Allaah is not complete until we hate what He hates, and love what He loves, or in the very least, acknowledge that He has ordained is best.  May Allaah guide us all and rectify our affairs, ameen.

Ramadan Journal Day 20: A Noble Tradition

Bismillaah.

This month has really flown by subhaan Allaah.  We have reached the last ten nights already, alhamdu lillaah!  May Allaah accept all of our deeds, forgive us our sins and shower us with His mercy, ameen.

I have enjoyed keeping this Ramadan Journal and hope that it has been beneficial to those who’ve been following.  During these last ten days, I’ll be trying to increase in praying and reading qur’an, as well as preparing for Eid al-Fitr.  So this may be my last post until Eid, Allaah knows best.  However, my Ramadan Journal would not be complete without mention of one very symbolic aspect of Ramadan, and that is the musaharati.

The musaharati is a man (sometimes a woman) who walks around the neighborhood near the last part of the night, usually about an hour and a half to two hours before fajr (dawn), beating on a drum and singing a “wake up” song for all the fasting muslims to take their suhoor (pre-dawn meal).  My first Ramadan here, to be quite honest, I found it to be quite annoying actually, being startled out of a peaceful slumber by what sounded to me like a child banging on a pot with a wooden spoon, two whole hours before fajr time!   I thought to myself, why is he waking everyone up with his noise so early???  Who needs two hours to eat and drink???   Ughhhhh!!!

But subhaan Allaah, Allaah softened my heart over the years, and this being my 6th Ramadan in Egypt, I have grown to love and look forward to this noble tradition, mashaa Allaah.  It’s something really heartwarming so I thought it’d be nice to share it hear in my Ramadan Journal.

I have been trying all month to get a video of him going around, but I am never fully awake when he comes (around 2:15 am), so although I’ve set my alarm ahead many nights, as well as put the camera on the nightstand on many nights,  I still have yet to get him on video.

It’s the last ten nights, and I’m planning to head to bed right after typing this post so I can wake up early for qiyam (may Allaah strengthen us all to stand for prayer at night, and accept it from us, ameen), so hopefully I can get some footage of him and post it on Facebook inshaa Allaah.  Stay tuned …….

Al-Bukhari and Muslim recorded from ‘Aishah that during the last ten days of Ramadan, the Messenger of Allah would wake his wives up during the night and then remain apart from them (that is, being busy in acts of worship). A narration in Muslim states: “He would strive [to do acts of worship] during the last ten days of Ramadan more than he would at any other time.”

Aisha reported that With the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers. [Bukhari]

May Allaah grant us all Laylatul-Qadr, ameen!

Ramadan Journal Day 16: An Update

Bismillaah.

I’ve been focusing on playing catch up with my qur’an reading, so I had no choice but to put the Ramadan Journal on the backburner for a few days.  I’m still not caught up, but I felt the need to post an update before any more time went by.

This week we did a simple fanoose craft.  I got the idea from my dear friend Hawwa Umm Mariam, who happened to be featured on Grow Mama’s Ramadan Spirit Contest mashaa Allaah.  You can see her and her kids’ pretty fanooses here.

They were very easy and super fun to make mashaa Allaah.  Ours came out pretty similar.

Fawanise Ramadan

On Thursday we attempted to take the kids for an outing to our favorite park/playground, Gardenia.  It’s a nice little quiet spot owned and operated by the military (which is known for its clean, well-kept parks and clubs).   We’ve been frequenting the place for, oh, about a year or so I guess.  We like it for the clean, quiet atmosphere, as well as the safe playground equipment, all of which can be hard to come by in Cairo.

It also has these nice sitting areas where you can kick back and relax and order tea and refreshments, all for a really low cost mashaa Allaah.

Alhamdu lillaah, it became our little *spot* mashaa Allaah.  (Can’t you tell why?)

Unfortunately, they’ve decided they will no longer allow women who dress a certain way to enter.

“Niqab is not allowed,” they told us.  “An order, by fax, from the general, that came 3 days ago.”

I hate to be discriminated against.  I really *HATE* to be discriminated against.  Especially by muslims.  Make du’aa for this ummah…self-hate is a sad, pitiful thing.

No big deal, it’s their loss, ya know?

So we headed over to another park that wasn’t open and wouldn’t be opening until after iftar.  We called around to get info on some of the indoor playrooms, but learned that they too wouldn’t be open until after iftar. 

In the end we ended up just going home.  It was one of those “this society is so annoying” days.

Today is Sunday and I’m at my sister’s house (YAY! ).  We’re doing iftar and a sleepover inshaa Allaah.  Tuesday, my “Coolio Canadian Cronie” is coming over for iftar inshaa Allaah, and Wednesday is the employees and families iftar at my husband’s job.

I’m still way behind on my qur’an, so I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to post again.  Maybe towards the end of the week inshaa Allaah.

Ramadan Journal Day 10: Lessons in Bravery from Historic Muslim Battles

Bismillaah.

"Al-Andalus"

I was originally looking for some information on the 1973 Ramadan War between Egypt and Israel (today’s the 36 year anniversary of that battle), but couldn’t find anything simple enough to present to the kids, and I’m not versed in the history myself, so instead I decided to go with the story of Tariq ibn Ziyad’s conquest of Visogothic Hispania, also known as Al-Andalus.

Throughout history there were many battles the muslims fought AND WON during the month of Ramadan, which I think is amazing with the weakness and exhaustion that can come with fasting.  But as we know, it is Allaah that grants victory, not men or weapons.  ALLAAHU AKBAR!

Inshaa Allaah we will watch a video on youtube about it, and I’ll have the kids make some kind of picture or something about it…although they’re getting bored with hearing stories and drawing pictures about them, lol!  So we’ll see what happens, maybe we can come up with something different and creative together.

Fried steak fillets, melokhia, rice.

“O you who believe! What is the matter with you, that when you are asked to march forth in the Cause of Allah you cling heavily to the earth? Are you pleased with the life of this world rather than the Hereafter? But little is the enjoyment of the life of this world as compared with the Hereafter.”  (Al-Taubah : 38 )

Ramadan Journal Day 7: Sisterhood

Bismillaah.

We haven’t been getting much done by way of activities since it’s the weekend and we’ve been running errands and stuff.  Alhamdu lillaah though, I did get to visit 3 really close friends of mine, and sitting with each one of them the short time that I did helped me to realize how neglectful I’ve been in my duties as a muslim sister.  As sisters in islam, we have certain duties we must fulfill towards one another, simple yet significant acts that help to strengthen the bonds of islamic sisterhood that is so important in our deen and staying firm upon it.  I hope Allaah can forgive me for how neglectful I’ve been, and I hope my dear sisters can too.

I found this nice article while searching about the subject.  I pray it serves as a reminder to all of us inshaa Allaah.

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Sisterhood in Islam

http://www.themuslimwoman.com

As Muslims sisters strive to gain knowledge about their religion and endeavor to increase their Iman, there is one issue of importance that often seems to be neglected. This is the issue of Sisterhood in Islam.

Sisters may greet each other, spend time socializing, give gifts during happy occasions, cook for those who have a new baby, etc., but this is only the surface level of Sisterhood. To understand what this special relationship really means we must go much deeper than that. We need to go to the level of the heart from which the bonds of Sisterhood emanate. This relationship is very special because it involves a unique type of love; one that cannot be experienced in any other social connection. It is a feeling that is particularly extraordinary for those of us who are revert/converts to Islam. To really enjoy the beauty of this bond we need to completely comprehend the elements that are involved. A letter has been written to each of us to assist us in this endeavor, Insha-Allah. Let us put this knowledge in our hearts and we will begin to see the seeds of true Sisterhood grow into a beautiful, flowering plant, Insha-Allah.

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Baraktuh

My Dear Sister in Islam:

Insha-Allah, everything is well with you and those close to you. I am writing this letter to let you know how much I care and to help us both gain an understanding of what Sisterhood in Islam really means, Insha-Allah. I care about you because we share something that is more special than the whold world and all that it contains; we share the belief in the Onenesss of Allah (SWT) and the religion that He (SWT) has given to us. This is a gift that transcends any differences we may have in regard to race, color, nationality, culture or language. Being a sister in Islam is one of the many blessings that comes from acceptance of the true path of Allah (SWT). It is also a responsibility that we each have as members of the Muslim Ummah. To fufill our obligation, we first need to understand what is required of us.

This is what the bond of Sisterhood in Islam means to me, based upon the wisdom of Allah and his Prophet Muhammad (SAW), “…And lower your wing for the believers (be courteous to the fellow-believers).” (Al-Hijr 15:88)

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“None of you has Iman (faith) until he desires for his brother (or sister) Muslim that which he desires for himself (or herself).” (Bukhari and Muslim)

He (SAW) also said,

“The Muslims in their mutual love, kindness and compassion are like the human body where when one of its parts is in agony the entire body feels the pain, both in sleeplessness and fever.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT) … The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,

“On the Day of Judgement, Allah, the Most High, will announce, ‘Where are those who love each other for the sake of My pleasure? This day I am going to shelter them in the shade provided by Me. Today there is no shade except My shade.” (Muslim)

I will be sure to tell you of my love, Insha-Allah …

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“If a person loves his brother, he should inform him of this fact.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidi)

I will be merciful and compassionate toward you, Insha-Allah …

Allah (SWT) says,

“Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, and those who are with him are severe against the disbelievers, and merciful among themselves…” (Al-Fath 48:29)

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“Do not be envious of other Muslims; do not overbid at auctions against another Muslim; do not have malice against a Muslim; do not go against a Muslim and forsake him; do not make an offering during a pending transaction. O’ servants of Allah, be like brothers (or sisters) with each other. A Muslim is the brother (or sister) of another Muslim; do not hurt him (or her), or look down upon him (or her) or bring shame on him (or her). Piety is a matter of heart (The Prophet (SAW) repeated this thrice). It is enough evil for a person to look down upon his Muslim brother (or sister). The blood, property and honor of a Muslim is inviolable to a Musilm.” (Muslim)

I will keep company with you, Insha-Allah …

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“Keep company with a believer only, and let your food be eaten only by the righteous.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidi)

He (SAW) also said,

“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidi)

I will help you when necessary and I will cover your shortcomings, Insha-Allah …

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“One who helps a fellow Muslim in removing his (or her) difficulty in this world, Allah will remove the former’s distress on the Day of Judgement. He who helps to remove the hardship of another, will have his difficulties removed by Allah in this world and in the Hereafter. One who covers the shortcomings of another Muslim, will have his faults covered up in this world and the next by Allah. Allah continues to help a servant so long as he goes on helping his own brother (or sister).” (Muslim)

I will encourage you to the right, Insha-Allah ..

. Allah (SWT) says,

“The believers, men and women. are Auliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin (on people) Al-Ma’ruf (i.e. Islamio Monotheism and all that Islma orders one to do), and forbids (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they offer their prayers perfectly (Iqamat-as-Salat); and give the Zakat and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His mercy upon them. Surely, Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.” (At-Tauba 9:71)

When the Prophet (SAW) instructed,

“Help your (Muslim) brother (or sister) when he commits a wrong and when a wrong is committed against him, someone asked, “O Messenger of Allah, I understand how I can help him if a wrong is committed against him, but how can I help him if he is himself committing a wrong?” At that the Prophet (SAW) answered, “Stopping him from committing the wrong is helping him.” (Bukhari)

I will fulfill my minimum duties and beyond, Insha-Allah …

The Prophet (SAW) said,

“A Muslim owes six obligations towards another Muslim: when you meet him (or her), salute him (or her) saying ‘Assalamu Alaikum; when he (or she) invites you, accept his (or her) invitation; when he (or she) solicits your advice, advise him (or her) sincerely; when he (or she) sneezes and praises Allah, respond with the supplication Yarhamuk Allah (Allah have mercy on you); when he (or she) falls sick, visit him (or her); on his (or her) death, join his (or her funeral).” (Muslim)

He (SAW) also said

“When a Muslim visits his (or her) Muslim brother (or sister) who is sick, he (or she) certainly gathers the fruits of Paradise until he (or she) returns (from visiting).” (Muslim)

You should understand, dear sister, that these are only some of the promises that I have made to you and to Allah (SWT), Insha-Allah. I will strive to fufill each of them to the best of my ability, Insha-Allah. Insha-Allah you will do the same for all of your sisters in Islam. This will not only enhance our bounds of Sisterhood, but will also strengthen the fibers of the Muslim Ummah as we acquire and utilize the wisdom of Islam, Insha-Allah. Our ultimate goal is to gain the pleasure of Allah (SWT), as well as His Mercy and Blessings, Insha-Allah. May we both find the true peace that comes with being a Muslim and attaing the highest of rewards: Paradise. Ameen!!!

With true love,

Your Sister in Islam

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuh

Information From Al Jumuah Magazine Issue 4, Page 38 (with a few alterations)

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The week’s leftovers

“On the Day when Allah will gather the Messengers together and say to them: “What was the response you received (from men to your teaching)? They will say: “We have no knowledge, verily, only You are the All-Knower of all that is hidden.”

When Allah will say (on the Day of Resurrection). ”O Jesus, son of Mary! Remember My Favour to you and to your mother when I supported you with Ruh ul Qudus (Gabriel) so that you spoke to the people in the cradle and in maturity; and when I taught you The Book, and Wisdom and Understanding, the Torah and the Gospel; and when you made out of the clay, as it were, the figure of a bird, by My Permission, and you breathed into it, and it became a bird by My Permission, and you healed those born blind, and the lepers by My Permission, and when you brought forth the dead by My Permission; and when I restrained the Children of Israel from you (when they resolved to kill you) since you came unto them with clear proofs, and the disbelievers among them said: ‘This is nothing but evident magic.’ “

And when I (Allah) put in the hearts of the disciples to believe in Me and My Messenger, they said: “We believe. And bear witness that we are Muslims.”

And when the disciples said: “O Jesus, son of Mary! Can your Lord send down to us a table spread (with food) from heaven?” Jesus said: “Fear Allah, if you are indeed believers.”

They said: “We wish to eat thereof and to be stronger in Faith, and to know that you have indeed told us the truth and that we ourselves be its witnesses.”

Jesus, son of Mary, said: “O Allah, our Lord! Send us from heaven a table spread (with food) that there may be for us – for the first and the last of us – a festival and a sign from You; and provide us sustenance, for You are the Best of sustainers.”

Allah said: “I am going to send it down unto you, but if any of you after that disbelieves, then I will punish him with a torment such as I have not inflicted on anyone among (all) the creation.”

And when Allah will say (on the Day of Resurrection): “O Jesus, son of Mary! Did you say unto men: ‘Worship me and my mother as two gods besides Allah?’ ” He will say: “Glory be to You! It was not for me to say what I had no right (to say). Had I said such a thing, You would surely have known it. You know what is in my inner-self though I do not know what is in Yours, truly, You, only You, are the All-Knower of all that is hidden and unseen.

“Never did I say to them aught except what You (Allah) did command me to say: ‘Worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord.’ And I was a witness over them while I dwelt amongst them, but when You took me up, You were the Watcher over them, and You are a Witness to all things.

“If You punish them, they are Your slaves, and if You forgive them, verily You, only You are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise .”

Allah will say: “This is a Day on which the truthful will profit from their truthfulness: theirs are Gardens under which rivers flow (in Paradise) – they shall abide therein forever. Allah is pleased with them and they with Him. That is the great success (Paradise).

To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth and all that is therein, and He is Able to do all things.”  (Al-Ma’idah : 109-120 )