The Proper (Islamic) Way to Propose to a Sister

Bismillaah.

May Allaah reward the brothers and sisters over at FitnaFreeFacebook, ameen.  If you are a facebook user, please check out their group, it is very beneficial mashaa Allaah.  I read this article on there today and decided to share.

~*The Proper Way to Propose to a Sister*~

What is the proper way to ask for a sister’s hand in marriage? In Islam, what is permissible and what is not when it comes to this issue? Can we talk to the sister first, maybe chat with her? Call her? Email? Or even go out for a few dates? Let’s find out below in a fatwa from Sheikh Salih al-Munnajid (May Allaah protect and preserve him). A young man asks what is the proper way to propose to a sister who his heart is inclined to marry.

Let’s take benefit from this insha’Allah!

Question: How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?

What is the correct way to approach a sister whom you intend to marry ? I’ve known this sister my entire life, in the same regard as my own blood sister and recently it was brought to my attention that she would be a perfect candidate for marriage. I believe she respects me, but I am unsure if she can accept me as her spouse. How can I know ? And what is the correct, halal way to approach ? I have nothing but the best intentions, yet my entire life I always felt I would marry her, yet out of respect I have never approached. My father and aunt (my mother has passed, allah yarham ha) are very fond of her and encourage me to pursue her, since they know her and her family extremly well.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a particular woman, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam, which is marriage. If a person intends to marry a woman, he has to propose marriage to her through her wali (guardian), who is her father if he is alive, or one of her other close relatives. It is not permissible for a man to propose marriage to a woman who is not his mahram through ways that are not permissible according to sharee’ah, such as getting to know her or meeting her frequently or getting in touch with her often and speaking on the phone; these are means through which Iblees causes people to sin and which lead to regrettable consequences. It is not permissible for a person to justify his relationship with a girl by saying that she is like his sister and other silly excuses. You have to follow the proper channels as prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

IslamQa

Mashaa Allaah, a great reminder!  Brothers and Sisters, take heed to this advice.  Know that there is no good that can come from disobeying Allaah, no matter what the end goal is.  There is no good that can come from “cutting corners” around Allaah’s commands and prohibitions.  Our Lord, the most Knowledgeable and most Wise, has set certain guidelines for us in order to protect us from all kinds of harms, harms that we in our limited knowledge and wisdom may not perceive, or may perceive as miniscule.  What He has ordained for us is, simply, what is best for us.  He is our Creator, so He knows us better than we know ourselves!!!  Our belief in Allaah is not complete until we hate what He hates, and love what He loves, or in the very least, acknowledge that He has ordained is best.  May Allaah guide us all and rectify our affairs, ameen.

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10 thoughts on “The Proper (Islamic) Way to Propose to a Sister

  1. Asalamalaikum, I recently found this sister that I’m inclined to and i wish to ask for her hand in marriage but, the problem is that i can’t go through her parents because i don’t really know how to contact them and neither do i know them. But, she has a friend (female friend) whom I know. Is it permissible for me to ask her friend to seek her hand in marriage on my behalf and if she agrees we can make arrangement to meet her parents.

    • apart from sending the proposal through her Waliyy, the other way is to send and intermediary. i n your own case, her friend would do.

      Sisters should also note that it is permisible for them to directly ask a brother out.

  2. marshallah beautiful article.your right! but the problem is society! money! status!! its hard, you can love the girl so much and give her everything. but if her family dont think financially you can provide then good luck. before even going into that, wedding cost money!! my brother wedding, it was simple wedding, 500 guests, cost £15k each from man and women so £30k altogether. (to people who are intrested, £7000 for hall+food, £1000 girls dress, girl mehndi £1k, clothes for everyone family £2k, gold £4k, ring £2, now its the nitty gritty things that got the price up, such as food for the week as both houses was busy, came to £2k when meeting each other had to buy gifts atleast £1k i remember when i had to buy sweets from asda, money just adds on, decoration £2k both family. holiday £2k thats major. but with wedding theres always the little stuff where you be looking at £2-3k just adds on(e.g petrol) anyways back to my story, you need money saved!! then where is she going to live? expenses, so you will need a good job, i think ideally if you earn £21k+ then you will probably able to look after her(with difficult) so yeah then when that is put into consideration, then how are you, your deen, status looks, character, are all put into consideration. its hard, but allah will give you a way, we need to have trust in allah. but its not easy.but best way to get it with her, ask a imam to speak to her dad.

  3. Asalamu alaykum!
    Pls i need your help for the grateful problem i encoutered since the begining of this year with a lady i inclined to marry but see don’t like me any way with all my possible best to win her heart but every thing is not in proper

  4. Actually I am on an idea to propose to a women but I’ve changed my mind Mashaa Allaah I think to follow the advice.

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